Tweet There are pitfalls and potholes on the way to finding love—in his first piece for us, David Oragui helps us navigate the bumpy terrain of online dating. Men and women have vastly different experiences and outcomes. This is one of the biggest truths about online dating nobody wants to admit.
This product of social conditioning rears its ugly head online even more so, as an average of seven men compete for the attention of one woman. According to research, women who send messages to men are twice as likely to receive a response compared to men who start conversations.
We men love to complain about how women have extraordinarily high standards when looking for a mate—however, we fail to look a little bit deeper at why this is the case. You have eight seconds to persuade a match to respond to your message.
Headlines are just as important as the content in your message. Everyone jumps the gun, telling you to personalize each message you send. How to fix this: Spin it on its head and give the headline more importance. It got to the point that she had to state explicitly on her profile: But, it was something I found she had an emotional attachment and connection to that would be a great conversation starter. But did it work? She seemed compelled to find out what vitriol I had spouted.
Much to her surprise, it was a comment in favour of something she wrote on her profile which caught my eye—rather than putting it in the message box, I put it in the title to grab her attention, and up till this day, I have kept it. You will get rejected—a lot. You may have similar interested, a compatible personality—you could be everything they are looking for, however even that may not be enough for some people.
Never put your eggs in one basket, expecting a response from the person who seems like a perfect match for you. The richer you are the most responses you will get. It is a well-documented fact that they more money you have, the more attractive people perceive you to be. This stark increase in interest occurs in both genders, but it is even more prevalent in men.
During my early days into the world of online dating, I did an experiment. Keeping everything else equal, I wanted to confirm whether there was a correlation with income and the number of responses I received. I responded with the following: Ahh, no worries, the income stated on my profile is incorrect anyways. Customer support is sorting it out. What are you up to right now? Moral of this story: Online dating can cripple your self-esteem and self-worth.
Especially when you get rejected countless times, with or without reason. Ideally, you want to use it to complement and augment your existing chances of finding a partner. Take a good look at yourself, and ask whether you are neglecting the key areas of your life which are holding you together.
As with everything in life, balance is the key to a happy, satisfied life. Online dating is the perfect primer for learning how to sell yourself. It is a strict marketing teacher with a steep learning curve. The feedback you receive from your experiences with online dating with either teach you what not to do, or confuse you even further.
What they think will make them respond—and what actually get them to respond are usually two very different things. Make online dating work for you by focusing on what matters to you in your life, and use that to find likeminded people.