Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? This grey area causes real, tangible issues. What does that mean? Call him this many times. Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.
These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?
What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you? This may sound a bit idealistic to some. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappointment and anger that inevitably follows. Become the rejector, not the rejected. No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around.
Consent issues are instantly resolved. Always know where you stand with the other person. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. Wrapped up in that sweet guy who treats you so well, except goes weeks without calling you and suddenly disappears after a couple drinks and a round of the horizontal polka? Been wondering if he really likes you? Do his excuses of being so busy all the time seem legit? Making out with a girl at your house and every time you go to take her shirt off she swats your hands away?
Not sure what to say or do, especially since she seemed so happy to go out with you when you initially met her? Fuck Yes or No applies to relationships as well.
Unsurprisingly, four years later, he was cheating on his wife every chance he got. The marriage was not a Fuck Yes for him, therefore it should have been a No. Apply the law to your decision-making as it suits your needs. A common Fuck Yes response from a woman. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you.
This is life, not a fucking sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting. If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self-improvement.
Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.
I also discuss how Fuck Yes or No is a useful and practical way to deal with consent. Site members can listen to it by clicking the Commentary button above. To become a site member, click here. But few people know that there are some pretty clear signals to know if a relationship is going to work or not. Put your email in the form to receive my page ebook on healthy relationships. You can opt out at any time.