Quotes[ edit ] Brian Regan Live [ edit ] Uh I'd be a lot better off, if I would've studied more, when I was growing up, you know? But, you know, the day where it all went wrong, was the day they started the spelling bee.
Then the spelling bee day, you know, popped up. It's time for public humiliation. Spell a word wrong, sit down in front of your friends. I wasn't even close! I was using numbers, and stuff! He knew he wasn't going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours? First round,'Cat' Then, as he passed you, "I know there's two 'T's! That's a— that's a rough rule. Plurals were hard, too. On weekends, and holidays, and, No, let me show you. Irwin, what is the plural for ox? The farmer used his oxen.
I bought 2 boxen of doughnuts. Let's try another one. Irwin, what's the plural for goose? I saw a flock I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Out in the woods—in the woodes—in the woodsen. The meese want the food. Food is to eatenesen! I don't know, really. I think the worst day was the day the science project was due Waking up that morning, that was fun, huh? Your head would pop off your pillow I had nine months to work on it I got a cardboard box.
And you'd show up, you're scared, 'cause ya don't have anything good, and you found out, all the other kids, their parents made theirs for them. I hated that, ya know! They're backing 'em in on flatbed trucks One kid with a volcano, he didn't know how to zip up his own pants, but, he built a volcano!
I didn't know what to do for my project, so I brought in a paper cup, filled with dirt, just, hoping she'd know I'm an idiot, just walk right past me. Just as long as I was holding something It's a cup of dirt. Just put an F on it there, and let me go home. You should move on now, you should go ahead, and move on. Head on down the line there. So, she goes to this one kid, there was this kid who made the same solar system, like, 19 years in a row, y'know Hey, you're breaking some new ground there, Copernicus!
Something like you too! I was getting off a cab at the airport and the driver goes, hey, have a nice flight! You too, you have a nice flight, too. In case you ever fly someday. Don't anybody look at me I'm a moron. Don't know when to say the you too phrase. I can't handle it. Like a waitress could bring me my food and say, hey, enjoy your meal. You don't have one do ya'? If you do, you enjoy it when you eat it.
If you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity. That's all I'm trying to say, that's all I'm driving at! Really, if you think about it, that's all! You ever decide to say something and then in the middle of it, you decide to say something else?
My friends were leavin' the other day, and I decided to say, hey, take care, but then I decided to say good luck instead like halfway through.
So it came out neither. See ya' later, Brian! Take luck and care. Good luck taking care of the, the luck that you might have, if you have luck, take it, and care for it. Take luck care of it-it! When you take luck for it!
You're sure to see them again. I'm always putting my foot in my mouth. I don't stop to think i'm just like oh-no words are coming out oh-no. Think about what I said. I met this woman, I could've sworn she was pregnant, let me tell ya'. I believe the rule is, don't guess at that ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever. I don't have enough evers memorized. I knew they were havin' one just thought maybe we could talk about it if you want.
Talk about the fluffy zoo animals. I hear they got them over there I guess we could talk about or go pet them if you want. Have you ever guessed someone's gender wrong? There's no recovering from that. You just gotta move on, 'cause you ain't wigglin' out of anything. Nice to meet you, individual! Heeey buckaroo "my names's not Buckaroo sure it is partner. Carolyn and Caroline don't get that wrong because they will drill you.
Yeah, can you say that very few can I'm not talkin' about when there's two dogs doin' you know, whatever they do. Sometime's you got two goin' at it, you know. Yeah, I was thinkin' about that. That's not what I was talkin' about at all. I'm talkin' about when there's one dog you know doin' a monologue like at three O'clock in the morning.
What are they doin'? I think they just go on the porch at that hour and just go, "Hey, it's nice and quiet. Why don't I bark it up for no reason whatsoever? More barking noises "What the hell's the matter with ya'?
Wouldn't it be weird if people were like that for no reason? Like if some guy went on his porch at three O'clock in the morning. Nobody knows him, new to the neighborhood. Is there a point to that? I wanna meet the guy who needs that.
As was the first! Lunch and no cleanup! Can life get better?