He really likes me a lot and has been clear about that. And he is great: Texting, calling when he says he will. Wanting to see me. Hell, he even texts when he is running late. You want me to realize how great he is. But I feel like I should look forward to seeing him more. I just feel so blah about the whole thing. Like the idea of him is better than the actual person. But he has all these great qualities.
I just feel like everything in your blog tells me to keep seeing this guy. Where is the line? For those of you who are new to this blog, one of my pet topics is the concept that chemistry is all too often an illusion. This is why I have long advocated putting compatibility up on the same pedestal as chemistry, and perhaps elevate it even higher. A relationship with a 7 chemistry and a 10 compatibility is a happy marriage. A relationship with a 10 chemistry and a 3 compatibility is going to make you miserable.
Feel free to comb through blog posts and 41, comments over six years. I have never said this — or even suggested it. Yet somehow, many readers seem to struggle with the concept of a nuanced world, instead of a black and white one where a man is either your instant soulmate or a complete turnoff. Which brings us back to TJ, our original poster: You need to have a personal chemistry with your partner. You need to fundamentally enjoy being together.
You need to feel like you can relax around him and be your best self. Dump him and move on. You need to have some spark to start — and that spark usually grows over time after you come to love the guy. So those are two reasons — lack of a basic personal and physical chemistry — that you should break up with a perfectly nice person. Your expectations of chemistry are way off. That stuff means nothing. I was with my wife for nearly 2 years when we got married. After all, I saw her 3 times a week.
Frankly, I have trouble surviving a few days without her. That passion most couples feel for the first 18 months? Reality is when the passion fades and you start building a life together. So what are you to do, TJ?
Still, that goes for someone at any age. She married him just because he was a good person. The marriage lasted less than two years. As much as I stress comfort, some marriages should never happen at all. I hope this clarifies — for all of you — what you should and should not experience with a romantic partner: I only hope you can experience this feeling as well; but it starts with finding someone whose company you really enjoy, not someone whose company you merely tolerate.