Email For many single women, dating can be difficult and disappointing. But America's therapist, Dr. Phil McGraw, says it doesn't have to be that way. His new book, "Love Smart: Phil offers advice to get through the dating maze and help find your Mr.
In his book, Dr. Phil says that dating is "simply one of the most inefficient, non-productive, haphazard, hit-or-miss ways to try to achieve one of the most important objectives of your entire life. When you decide 'I want to find a life partner, I want to get out there and make it happen,' nobody has a plan," he says. That's just like a meat market where you're just hanging over, people walking by you. Phil says you must have a plan where you create what you want.
Have a plan and work your plan. Phil acted as a coach for a woman while she was on a date. Here is his advice: Phil says into Wendy's ear.
It will be absolutely mesmerizing. Look right at him. Are you sold on anything? How did she do? So we freshened her up a little bit and then put her out there. Find out what you want to know and decide what it is you want him to know and make sure you deliver that information on that first date.
The worst thing in the world you can do is if you go to a party and you meet four or five guys, and the next day not one of them can remember you. If you are an environmental non-event, are you going to be lonely. Do make sure you are listening as well as speaking Do smile when you greet him and laugh at his jokes Do maintain good eye contact Do use filler questions Dr. Phil says filler questions lets the other person know you are interested in what they have to say. There's an art to it and everybody has their own style," he says.
I'm interested in what you're saying, with what you're doing right now. You're nodding while I'm talking and making eye contact with me and you just said 'right. Make no mistake; everybody likes to be the star. And if you go out with somebody and they leave that date saying, 'she really liked me,' we like people who like us. Don't reveal too much personal information Don't go on and on about your ex Don't be late!
They come in, they've got a chip on their shoulder. So when they get into the date, they start just giving all of that up.
My ex did this, my ex did that. Let people ease into it. If they're just rolled over on their heels, those are all serious don'ts. Phil says you don't want to be somebody you're not. It's all about what you ask. The chapter on infrared dating is very important. I've got a chapter on negotiating — the 'bag him, tag him and take him home. We talk about that. Huge bad deal," Dr. But what are you gonna do next?
You've got to keep some mystery about there. You give it all up at first, like my mom used to tell my sisters, 'Why buy cow if you get the milk free. Phil returns with his wife, Robin, to talk about couples who are stuck in a relationship rut.