HuffPo Asexuality is just now coming onto the horizon as an identity. However, something that still confuses people is how asexual people navigate dating! So, in order to demystify this concept for people, I spoke with two asexual activists in order to try to better understand dating in the asexual community.
The first person I interviewed was Gaia Steinberg, 24, from Israel. Gaia has identified as asexual since age I also spoke with David Jay, founder of asexuality. He has been in a leader and activist in asexual community for ten years, was active in campaigns to take asexuality out of the DSM , and was featured in the documentary A sexual.
Asexual people are not a monolith, but I asked Gaia and David to tell me about their own experiences with the community as a whole and their own personal understanding of dating while asexual. Remember that no one person sees dating or sexuality exactly the same way as another, but I hope that this serves as a jumping off point for giving you some insight into dating while asexual.
What Is Asexual Dating? Intimate relationships are incredibly important to him, romantic relationships less so. Dating as a social institution can seem very flawed to asexuals. He believes that dating teaches us that there is a particular kind of intimacy that counts —that will be celebrated by friends, family, and society.
And he thinks that hierarchy of intimate relationships is limiting. Asexuality is something that is currently discriminated against or thought of as weird or wrong. Many asexual people choose to wait a little while until they trust the person they are seeing before coming out. This is very wrong, and a limiting perspective, David believes.
The set of associations for a white guy, for instance, heavily influence how he is perceived, what scripts he received on how his sexuality should work, and so on. Sexuality is a discourse about power.
To claim sexuality is to claim a certain kind of power. To claim sexuality or not claim sexuality is to become subject to a set of social enforcements that is often racialized. As the community moves from online to offline organizing, he has seen an upward trend in ethnic and racial diversity, which he suspects is related to the expansion of options for diverse spaces and diverse ways of participating in the community.
As a leading activist, David and fellow advocates are trying proactively to address this issue as a community, but whiteness is very entrenched still in the way asexual identity is talked about. People do not have a right to know if someone is asexual.
In the case of a sexual person being attracted to an asexual person, the sexual person should not assume that because someone is asexual that they are not attracted to you. The attraction may not be sexual; it may take a different form and involve different activities, but it can still be important and powerful to explore.
Flirt with asexual people by asking them how they define intimacy. The discussions of what touch each person wants and conversations around that can be much more interesting than the conversation on whether sex will happen.
Found this article helpful? Help us keep publishing more like it by becoming a member! Wiley is a New Jersey-born artist, writer, environmentalist, and social justice advocate located in Burlington, VT. In his free time, Wiley draws bugs and old buildings, loves every show on the Food Network, makes creative read: Articles , Posts Tagged With: