However it is not always true. A person rarely says, "How about a date on Saturday? Want to get dinner and check out the show? I take anything other than "no thanks" as an invitation to try again at a later date. As for a non-romantic date still considered a date , say something like, "I am intrigued by your thoughts on [insert topic of conversation here]. Can I buy you dinner and talk about it more? In essence, by suggesting a topic of conversation that is of interest to both of you gives a reason for the dinner other than romance.
Don't worry about being confused. Hell, I've lived here my whole life and I am still confused more often than not. And yes, I do think ambiguities are the rule rather than the exception.
Love and romance are tricky. Hope that makes some sense. Is this formalized style of dating something that only happens on Friends these days or what? I usually meet someone through someone we both already know, we end up "going out" and doing something or otherwise just getting to know each other - online or off.
There have been a few instances where I've met someone through work or on a work commute. You get to meet people. There have been another handful of instance where I've met someone exclusively online.
The online thing is nice because it's easier to get to know someone's interests and stuff without all that mucking around IRL. I've never met or "hooked up" with someone from a bar, and I don't think I'm missing anything important at all. Sorry if that index wasn't romantic enough for you. I really don't think that there's any one standard way to "date" in America in this day and age, but then again I'm a genuine card-carrying weirdo and would be bored to tears dating most of America.
My perspective is most likely very, very skewed. For me, sociopolitical and psycho-sexual alignments are much more important than what someone's income or looks are. The implications of postponing a suggested date varies depending on the tone, body language, and terms used.: This is definitely true. But I think that taking anything other than "no thanks" as an invitation to try again is a bad idea, unless in your particular subculture it is understood that the only appropriate way to reject someone is to say "no thanks.
In Los Angeles or Seattle, for example, saying "no thanks" would be considered rude in itself not that people don't do it anyway.
The "right" way to reject someone in those places is to indicate that the date should happen some other time, and then make no effort whatsoever to uphold that idea. I also have to disagree with: In essence, by suggesting a topic of conversation that is of interest to both of you gives a reason for the dinner other than romance Unless extenuating circumstances relating to your relationship with that person make is rather obvious that you don't have, or shouldn't have, any romantic interest, then it's really on the ask-er to ask in such a way that acknowledges the awkwardness.
This could be by spending half an hour talking about your wife first, or, more commonly, suggesting that the outing include both couples. If neither of you is in a couple, and your sexual orientations are aligned, and there's not a huge age difference, it is going to be really hard to get across the idea that you're not interested in anything romantic or sexual I'm a bit suspicious of this one Aren't you just about the most cross-culturally educated person on the planet?
Are you sure you don't already know the answers to these questions, and you just want to watch the yanks slug it out over the differences? My ex, who is from Honduras but went to college in the States, didn't get it either. I don't know if it's a Latin thing, a world thing, or a personal thing, but being in a predominantly ex-pat Latin scene for a couple of years definitely showed some cultural differences. A woman, when asked about a man who says "Oh, we're just dating" is saying 'I associate with him in either a quasi or explicitly romantic context, and I either don't want to admit to you or myself the nature of that association' or, 'We spend time together in a romantic context, but nothing has yet happened and I do not really know the nature of our relationship'.
If a guy, asked about the status of his relationship to a woman replies 'Well, we're dating', that means that he and said woman have not been intimate, and although he would like to be, he doesn't know if she is really interested in such.
In Big City, North America, dating has changed drastically in the past few years. There no longer is a concept of "bases". As someone from the generation under mine has said, "Your generation has bases. Mine has fucking and not fucking. As someone who's over the moon for kissing and courting, I find this very disturbing. The situation is now practically inverted. Though no one uses the word "date" when they ask someone out, I think it's pretty common to call it that otherwise.
And yes, there are many ambiguities in dating and I doubt you could get people to agree on many "steps" or "formalaties" or whatever. It's been a long time since I've been on what I thought was a date and then found out the other person didn't consider it such, but I'm sure it still happens to some people. It can be a hellish place to be. Does inviting or accepting indicate a disposition to consider a romantic attachment with someone?
It does in my book, but that may have something to do with the way I ask or am asked. It's always "clear" that that's the intention. And if the askee isn't inclined to that, they'll either decline or make a point of the lack of romantic interest with a lie: I like to go but you know I'm seeing someone, right?
Is the reply "I'll take a rain check" insulting, accepted as a standard, polite put-off or merely a desire for another chance? I think it depends how it's communicated. When I say it, I mean it. There's nothing worse in dating than not being clear about what the fuck's going on. If you don't have an intention of going out with someone, you shouldn't say you want a rain check. Usually, what I do, is when someone says say such a thing, I'll say something along the lines of, "Cool.
Let me know when you change you're in the mood. There've been exceptions, though. The person I've been most enamoured with has also been the person I've been most persistent with. Are there ambiguities in the dating system that Americans themselves need to preserve?
I think a lot of people don't talk about the stuff with their partners as it's very much a "fragility" thing. People don't want to be the one to look like a fool and feeling something for someone who doesn't feel anything for you can make one feel very foolish indeed. The smart courter, however, turns that to his or her advantage. Being smitten with someone and communicating it with humor, romance, mystery, excitement This isn't to say that there aren't some things that are better left obscured what would dating be without mystery?
I've known more than one person, uncomfortable with what she was feeling, who denies those feelings both to herself and, verbally, to me. They usually go on to admit their lie years later, but "preserving the ambiguity" is pretty much at the root of it.
Some people have it down to an art. I find those least honest with themselves have the most difficulty being straight forward with others, though that may be stating the obvious. If anything, I've been "successful" in my dating life by wearing my heart on my sleeve.
When asked what I think the best qualities a mate can have, I answer: If you can hit home runs emotionally, you'll more often do so physically. You'll also be stronger each time at bat. I don't "agree" with griffX. One word that seems to be completely gone from dating vocabulary and which you would have heard in many American films and TV shows is the word "steady" we're going steady; he's my steady, etc.
I think that's unfortunate. I like the word and it is considerably more applicable to today's dating environment than to the one that hatched it. Today, many people date many people at the same time. They could refer to their "regular" as their "steady", but they don't. Sorry to babble, it's a topic dear to my heart. Like many non-Americans, I've always been highly confused about the semantics and the system of dating It's interesting the system of dating is mysterious to others. What is the process of courtship outside of the US?
I mean, most everyone has progressed from clubbing the female over the head and dragging her back to the cave, I assume?
I can't picture you bartering cows for wives, either, Miguel. I didn't like online dating very much because you can spend a lot of time and energy trying to get to know someone via email or on the phone, and it doesn't really matter if you don't have chemistry in person. Until you get the two people in the same room, you can never tell. No, I genuinely don't know. I've never had an American girlfriend, though I've often dreamt of one.
Till the age of 12 - when I was moved from the Anglo-American side to the Portuguese side of the English school I went to - almost all my girlfriends were Americans. But that was as a child - nor really the same. To tell the truth, I really haven't met any American women when I wasn't with someone else I was serious with at the time, so the opportunity never arose, unfortunately.
There is no such thing as "dating" and "dates" in Europe, including the UK. It varies wildly even in small sections of states, never mind the whole US of A.