What is the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job still sucks. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? Why are hurricanes normally named after women? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. Why are Penises the lightest things in the world?
Even thoughts can raise them. What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced. Why didn't the Toilet Paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection? A Quarter Pounder with Cheese Q: How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper! What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Do you know what 6. A good thing screwed up by a period. What do a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get! How do you make a pool table laugh? What does a perverted frog say?
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? What is the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist? A Genealogist looks up your family tree, whereas a Gynecologist looks up your family bush. What's green and smells like pork? Kermit the frog's finger Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? What do you call an Italian hooker?
Who was the worlds first carpenter? Eve, because she made Adam's banana stand Q: Whats the difference between a hooker and a mosquito? When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking. What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say "Here, fill this out. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy. What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?
They were originally intended for children, but it's the men who play with them the most. Whats long, hard and full of seamen?
Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? You can drop them off anywhere. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes! What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
What is Moby Dick's dad's name? How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles Q: How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? By the taste Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist! How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a promiscuous woman? How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw. Getting off once isn't enough Q: How is a woman like a road? What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me! What's the speed limit of sex? Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they are used to eating nuts! A guy will actually take time to search for a golf ball. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?
Why does it take million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year. There are 20 of them! You can unscrew a lightbulb. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Getting down and dirty with your hoes. How is a girlfriend like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you. What do the Mafia and a vagina have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings. Why can't you hear a psychologist using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent! What's better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.
What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber Q: What do you call a virgin on a water bed?