These individuals may exist in our personal sphere or professional environment. On the surface, they may come across as domineering, confrontational, demanding, hostile, or even abusive. However, with astute approach and intelligent communication, you may turn aggression into cooperation , and condescension into respect. Below are seven keys to dealing with aggressive individuals, excerpted from my book click on title: Simply utilize what works and leave the rest.
By doing so, they create an advantage over you, from which they can exploit your weakness. The first rule of thumb in the face of a difficult person is to keep your cool.
The less reactive you are to provocations, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the challenge. When you feel upset with or challenged by someone, before you say or do something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten.
In many instances, by the time you reach ten, you would have regained composure, and figured out a better response to the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of exacerbate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down. By maintaining self-control , you leverage more power to manage the situation. Your time is valuable, and your happiness and well-being are important.
Consult with trusted friends and advisors about different courses of action, with your personal well-being as the number one priority. Keep your options open. The point is to remind yourself that people do what they do because of their own issues. By reducing personalization, we can be less reactive and concentrate our energy on problem-solving.
As long as you do not harm others, you have the right to stand-up for yourself and defend your rights. On the other hand, if you bring harm to others, you may forfeit these rights. Following are some of our fundamental human rights: You have the right to be treated with respect.
You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and wants. You have the right to set your own priorities. You have the right to get what you pay for. You have the right to have opinions different than others. You have the right to take care of and protect yourself from being threatened physically, mentally or emotionally. You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life. These Fundamental Human Rights represent your boundaries.
Of course, our society is full of people who do not respect these rights. Aggressive, intimidating, and controlling individuals, in particular, want to deprive you of your rights so they can control and take advantage of you. Focus on these rights, and allow them to keep your cause just and strong. If you react by being on the defensive, you simply fall into the trap of being scrutinized, thereby giving the aggressor more power while she or he picks on you with impunity.
A simple and powerful way to change this dynamic is to put the spotlight back on the difficult person, and the easiest way to do so is to ask questions. Is this what you want? By putting the difficult person in the spotlight, you can help neutralize her or his undue influence over you. A second technique you can use to interrupt negative communication is to change the topic.
Years ago I knew a co-worker who was quite stuck-up and intimidating. Instead, she smiled good-naturedly and quipped: When appropriately used, humor can shine light on the truth, disarm difficult behavior, and show that you have superior composure. The ability to identify and assert consequence s is one of the most important skills you can use to "stand down" a difficult person.
Effectively articulated, consequence gives pause to the offending individual, and compels her or him to shift from violation to respect. In conclusion, to know how to handle aggressive, intimidating, and controlling people is to truly master the art of communication. As you utilize these skills, you may experience less grief , greater confidence , better relationships, and higher communication prowess. You are on your way to leadership success!