Katie Naymon February 18, at 2: There are many factors to consider, both emotional and physical. We talked to Heather Corinna, founder and executive director of Scarleteen , an independent, grassroots sexuality education and support organization and website.
Corinna is a sexuality, contraception and abortion educator and counselor as well as a writer and activist. When is the right time to have sex in a relationship? Some girls wait until marriage, some wait a few months and some just a few dates.
Eva, a Collegiette at Colby College, decided to lose her virginity a month into hooking up with the girl she liked. We fell hard and fast. Veronica, a Collegiette at Johns Hopkins University, has dated her boyfriend for four months but has decided to wait to have sex. Further, consider your mental health.
Are you depressed, overly stressed or anxious? Take a step back. Some girls know and other girls take a lot of time to think about the decision to have sex—both are valid! For Emily, a Collegiette at University of Virginia, sex was an option that required a bit of thinking first. We were both looking to get the same thing out of sex, so I could trust that he was not going to intentionally hurt or use me. For other girls, like Ann, a Collegiette at Roanoke College, she just felt deep down that it was the right time.
I wanted to do it with him. I wanted it to be with someone whom I cared about, who cared about me and whom I was secure with. Sex is a two-way street, so your partner should be ready too. Can the both of you trust each other? Are you both mature enough to handle the consequences, good and bad, of sex? Are we up for that? Do we both recognize that, and are we both on board to do what we can to manage those stakes and explore them together safely?
Will it improve my relationship? There are a lot of bad reasons to have sex: But, there are a TON of great reasons too! Sex can be fun, intense, and passionate! A lot of girls do it for the emotional aspect. However, this is a myth. And when first-time intercourse is uncomfortable, it's not usually about the hymen at all, which has no nerve endings of its own.
It's more often about lack of relaxation, arousal or lubrication—and is thus, vaginal pain—or a too-hasty approach, etc. For most people, hymenal tissue surrounding the vaginal opening will already at least have micro-openings if that person has been menstruating already, and it'll tend to easily stretch or move to the side for vaginal entry. Having a trusted partner who will be gentle and patient.
Lubricant helps too, she says. However, sometimes the hymen does tear a little, which will cause a bit of bleeding. This is no big deal and should go away in a few days. There are other reasons for pain, too. Many down-there conditions like vaginismus and vulvodynia can cause sexual pain. If you experience severe pain, set up an appointment with your gynecologist, who can help you target the cause of your pain and find possible treatments.
What should I do about contraception? Before having sex, have a conversation with your partner about contraception. To prevent possible pregnancy and STIs, having a contraception plan is crucial. Moral of the story? Just to be safe, make sure you have condoms.
Have a plan and a back-up plan if necessary and make sure your partner is on the same page as you. I couldn't care less if they don't want a condom. How do I protect myself from STDs? When you do that, and you've got the chemistry, sex is more incredible than any other thing in the entire world.