But what are the signs a man is worth your time? What exactly should your standards for a great guy look like? Usually the best way to tell if someone is worth your time is to closely observe what he does rather than what he says.
You are worth having a man who you could have a future with. You deserve to be number 1 in his life. You should not have to hide your relationship because he is married or is otherwise attached to someone else. If you fall madly in love with a married man, you must leave him alone even if it is hard and painful. You want clean and unencumbered.
Vow to value yourself enough not to fish in the married pool. He is kind and respectful. This goes for everyone in his life, not just you. Most people are on their best behavior when you start dating them.
It is easy for them to be nice to you, because there is something to gain, but how does he treat the other people in his life and on the periphery? Same goes for the mailman, his mother and animals. He takes personal responsibility for himself and his circumstances.
It is vitally important that you get rid of all men quickly who believe that the world owes them something. A victim mentality should be deeply repellent to you. You want a proactive man who is flexible and good at solving the problems that he has control over. He handles his finances responsibly. Is he always broke before the next payday? Does he pay taxes? Is he in debt?
Does he constantly borrow or lend money? What is his perspective on gambling? If your relationship continues, you will eventually be combining at least some of your money. Is he someone you would feel comfortable doing this with? He has good manners. Would you describe him as a gentleman?
Good manners show thoughtfulness and the ability to pay attention to other people. We want someone thoughtful, right? Did he cheat on your or in a past relationship? Little white lies to spare your feelings are acceptable. Big lies are not. Watch to see if he tells whoppers to other people. If he lies often to others, he is guaranteed to lie to you eventually. A shaky relationship with the truth is a dangerous red flag and can often identify a psychopath. When you are picking out a long term mate, you want them to be able to roll with the punches.
Watch how he handles mistakes by you. Watch how he handles inconvenience, changes of plans and mistakes by you and others.
Find out what angers him and how he handles it. I would never suggest to go out of your way to intentionally make someone angry, but you really want to know how he handles anger, specifically at you.
Does he use name-calling, underhanded or mean tactics when he argues? Can he talk through problems? Is he able to continue to be kind and respectful when he is angry? These are all things that you need to know before you decide whether he is right for your future. Conflict can strengthen your relationship or it can erode it. He is actively working toward meeting concrete goals.
Screen for men who want to grow because you will rise to meet their level. Are his goals congruent with yours? He is not a bigot. Angry tirades or deep dislike for entire groups of people? Does he have a him vs. He handles stress resourcefully. Eventually, one or both of you will face difficulties in your life together. Responsible stress coping techniques include meditation, social time with friends, workouts, and therapy. Irresponsible stress coping techniques include lashing out in anger, binge drinking, overeating, drugs, heavy procrastination, self-sabotage and withdrawal.
How he handles everyday stressors can make or break your relationship over the long run. He is generous and giving. How does he handle giving? Is he generous with his time, money, resources and in the bedroom?
Select a mate who is willing to share and give to both you and the other people in his life. He values civic responsibility. Does he want to leave the world a better place? How does he handle authority figures? Does he volunteer or donate? If you volunteer or donate consider it, it enriches and expands your life exponentially what does he think about that? Does he deride causes that are important to you? He is family oriented and gracious with your peeps.
The key here is the genuine desire to try. Is he nice to your difficult grandmother or cranky sister? Does he make an effort without an immediate payoff? Does he try to make your family feel welcome in his life? In turn, is he open to letting you meeting his tribe? How do they treat you? How does he react to their treatment of you? If he throws you under the bus or avoids putting in boundaries when your in-laws treat you badly, watch out. He wants the same big things as you do.
You have similar interests. Our intuition often has a good reason for this kind of suspicious feeling. Keep an eye on it. If you tend to cyber stalk with no valid reason, knock it off. You feel welcome at his house. Never darkened the door of his place? The key here as in many of these points is transparency. While his place might not be the most comfortable or right for both of you, he will be open to at least showing it to you.
Be suspicious if he squirms. All men look at other women. However, you should have absolutely no idea he saw that girl with the big boobs at the grocery store. This is respectful both to you and to the woman at the store. Also, he should not tell you all about his sexual conquests with other women. The company he keeps is highly indicative of the kind of person he is.
He should have friends who you can meet. He is thankful and appreciative. An attitude of gratitude is ideal here. You should feel like when you add things both big and small to his life he notices and appreciates it.
He deeply values health but never makes you feel bad about yourself. The best people are the ones who inspire you to be a better person not because they nag you but because of the example they set. You want someone who takes care of themselves and who want you both to live a long time. If you are together for the long term, you are both going to get old.