Over my time coaching dating, these are the 7 biggest mistakes I see women make that lead to the most pain, worst choices in partners, and least overall fulfillment.
If you want to master a sport, you spend thousands of hours practicing. And if you want a great relationship with a quality guy, you… Sit around hoping? But these stories are the exception, not the rule. If you want to leave the most important aspect of your life to chance, you can do what most women do. You risk becoming a statistic. Right will be number 52, a friend of the guy you met at the yacht club, who you only knew because you met his brother at dancing, because another guy you met invited you.
You get what I mean. Your chances of meeting Mr. Hormones run wild in the first weeks and months with a new love, and they can lead all of us feeling as though things are further ahead than what they are. Men take time to sell themselves on the idea of a relationship. Exclusivity is something they merge into, rather than swerve at. Just like you, men want to make sure they commit to the right person, and they take time to do it. It means you can do the same.
This applies to every area of life, and dating is no exception. Even if it was true, saying so just inhibits you from doing anything about it.
Jumping ship from a relationship is now easier than fixing the boat. The dynamics have changed, too. Women are owning their sexualities. Cheating is easier than ever. You have a choice. You can either blame the circumstances, the way an overweight man blames his weight on his sedentary job, or, you can adapt and do some exercise.
Rather than becoming a victim, you can find and train your dating muscles in an ever changing world. Where love at first sight proved to be all fireworks and no fire. All craving and no compatibility. This circuit evolved, so new lovers would conceive a child and pass on their genes, staying together for at least as long as the mother was most vulnerable.
It takes healthy reservation out of the equation. To explore your connection. To investigate further, and nothing more. The right guy will prove himself over months and years. You think men initiate interactions. Like a football player sitting on the bench, you feel as though you have no control as to whether you get involved in the game.
Men who know you already will initiate. A drunk guy might. A pickup artist probably will. Ever wonder why men hit on you more in pubs than say — at the supermarket? They very much do. Women you initiate interactions by giving men green lights. He has to feel like his chances of success are high, or he will not take the risk. You give him the signals, then when he walks over, he gets to feel like it was all him.
Valuing yourself is great. Why is his value less than yours? These things only happen when a woman chases a man without reciprocation. Good dating and great relationships happen when both partners are chaser and chasee. A subtle ebb and flow of energy back and forth as each partner remembers the worth of the other.
Just like you, a quality, self-respecting man will not hit his head against a wall for long. If you put up walls where you adamantly refuse to chase, he will have the self-respect to stop chasing you, too.
A quality woman will chase a man, but she expects reciprocation. Same as a quality man. A quality woman is not won over just because she bedded a man.
The real challenge for a man is about what it takes to win you over. How quickly are you sold on the idea of him as your man? In other words… How high are your standards? How much work has he had to put in before you give up your most valuable possessions… Your single life… and your heart? This is why a quality woman is challenging — irrelevant of when she sleeps with him.
Have sex with him on your terms — whenever you feel is comfortable for you. What has he done — specifically for you — to qualify himself as a potential boyfriend? Meet the students of Five Points High School. Catch Five Points, a new series only on Facebook Watch.