Commitment is a scary thing for a lot of people. There was once a time when human and animalistic nature decided who you would spend the rest of your lives with. There was also a time when it took an enormous amount of effort and resources just to get a mate. Fast forward to the new millennium, when finding someone to spend your life with has become entangled with various concepts like the idea of it being a sport, a game, a job, a task or whatever else you can compare it to.
Commitment is now optional, not a necessity. Is it harder to get guys to commit? Both guys and girls have the same amount of desire and reluctance to commit. You can find just as many women who do not want to commit. It all depends on the type of person you are, and the type of person you like. It only seems like guys are the more difficult gender to rein in, because that was what we believed for many years.
As the concept of dating evolved, women are now just as likely to reject the notion of a commitment. Does it sound familiar? Of course it does, because almost every guy uses the same excuses. Why is it so hard to get guys to commit?
Their roles in society are perceived differently by the majority, and it influences how they handle their relationships. Without the looming threat of a dried up uterus, guys have the advantage of time on their hands. Their capacity to commit to another person is dependent on whether or not their personality allows them to. The other problem lies in the person they are seeing. With that being said, they sometimes end up ruining the possibility of a relationship by acting on a whim or manipulating the situation.
What mistakes do women make when getting a guy to commit? Some women end up asking their guys about commitment at the wrong time, just because the pressure got to them. Again, the pressure of the situation can push women to just blurt it out at random moments.
Committing to someone is a choice, not an obligation. When you present it as something that your partner is supposed to do, he will start to question whether or not he agreed to it in the first place. YOU want the commitment.
YOU want the security. YOU want to take the next step. You need to ask your partner about what he wants, and not just prioritize the reason why you want to commit to each other. This never ends well. Comparing yourself to your friends is one of the things that annoy guys the most. It makes you come off as jealous and petty. Your sincerity will be questioned, because you seem like you only want it because your friends have it.
Commitment can be scary, because it means that things will change. It would help if you ask him what he wants, and integrate it into both your plans for the future and your relationship.
Why are you talking about marriage already? This is only okay if your partner wants to progress at the same pace as you. Some men want to get married immediately, but you are more likely to find a man who wants to test the waters first, before considering giving you a ring. This is a recipe for disaster, because it makes you seem irresponsible and impulsive. You hardly know each other! He may know that you might want to have kids one day, but that conversation is reserved for a later date.
A really later date. Your guy is dating to find a partner. But they do know when they are being played, especially if sex is involved. This can work for small things like chores and favors, but using sex to squeeze out a commitment from a guy never ends well.
Some guys will humor you, but the sincerity of your plight for commitment was already lost the moment you decided to bribe him with sex. Plausible deniability is one of the most common consequences. This can also be a problem, because letting the question go unanswered for too long will leave room for too many assumptions. Are you just casually dating? Are you just friends? Make sure that the progression of the dating stage is heading towards a commitment. Are you in 7th grade? Liked what you just read?
I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. Follow Danielle on Facebook.