Dating Modern dating sucks. Being single in the digital age, we have options — lots of options. Several eligible bachelors and bachelorettes are only a few swipes away — or a few martinis away at your local bar.
Your dates are always too distracted by other options to give you a real shot. Perhaps this is why some of us are so picky. If you meet someone special, how likely are you to stop using online dating sites altogether and just focus on that one person? The paradox of choice causes single men and women to feel lonely even while surrounded by options because they have trouble choosing when there is so much choice. This could be why so many of us inadvertently choose to remain single, neglecting promising opportunities that present themselves.
The privilege of being able to choose may be more detrimental to your dating life than it is advantageous. Yes, if you happen to be seeing more than one person who you have feelings for, indecisiveness comes into play.
However, other problems include narrow-mindedness, greed and a sense of entitlement. The privilege of choice causes ridiculously high expectations. The more options we have the privilege to choose from, the pickier they become.
Our expectations are too high. Instead of having high expectations, we should focus on the root of relationships: Dating uncertainty is caused by too much choice. While many people agree that in general, too much choice can complicate life, one of the biggest believers in this theory is Dr. Why More Is Less , in which he points out that having so much choice causes us to be unsatisfied with any one choice.
The more choices we have, the less content we will be with someone, no matter how great he or she is — unless we stop letting those choices distract us and instead focus on who is in front of us. The hookup culture is caused by the plethora of options. Meanwhile, real relationships are few and far between.
Casual hookups are a dime a dozen, but what about meaningful relationships that leave you feeling fulfilled and at peace instead of empty, anxious and alone? Having a plethora of options is tempting us to participate solely in the hookup culture instead of being content with one person — no matter how wonderful he or she is.
Earlier generations were not as distracted by options. There were no dating apps available to them, and they were not provided with a plethora of options. When they met someone special, they held on to that person. The choice was easy to be with that person because there were not a lot of options to begin with, and no distractions complicating their relationships.
Granted, they may not have had as easy a time meeting someone, but this made their dating decisions much easier. How to overcome dating difficulties caused by too much choice: Is this person a good catch? How sure are you that you could do better than this person? Have you given this person a real chance, and have you genuinely gotten to know them yet? The solution is to forget about the fact that you have other options and focus on the prospect in question for awhile, just to be sure.
If you put your other options out of your mind and spend some quality time with one person, the results will likely be quite positive. Your feelings for them will grow, especially if during that time you are not distracted by other options.
It may take self-discipline to see where things go with one person rather than continue looking, but the rewards of a fulfilling relationship with someone special are well worth sacrificing other choices.