Post divorce dating rejection. Rejection After Divorce: 4 Ways You Can Feel Better.



Post divorce dating rejection

Post divorce dating rejection

It's the beginning of something great. There was absolute connection and immediate intimacy. You know that both of you felt something powerful—something worth exploring. For brevity, I will use the pronoun "he. So what happens when that first date is the only date? When he hasn't returned your texts?

You wait for a day: The increasing tension as the day drags on and still no contact is so uncomfortable, confusing, and deflating. You are left with a cross between hopefullness and disappointment, because the day isn't over yet. But now a day has dragged into a week, and you start to realize that what you thought would be the start of something great is over before it had a chance to be as amazing as you know it could have been. It sounds like a relatively small loss—after all, you only just met this person, how hard can losing him really be?

But in addition to losing the possibility of something good, something hopeful, being left hanging after a great date can also make you feel like it was your fault. What did you do to drive this amazing person away?

If it had been really great, he would have called you back, or at least texted. But then again, he might have lost his phone, right? Either way, the first step is to trust in your understanding of the experience. There really was an amazing mutual connection. If you felt it, and he affirmed it in his own way, it was there. If you felt his intensity meeting yours, it was.

And yet he has blown you off. How many times, when you're trying to make sense of what happened do you want to blurt out to your well meaning friends: The second step is to work toward understanding that the outcome is not your fault. As much as you replay the time you spent together and obsessively analyze it to make sense of what happened, and what you missed, and what you might have done wrong, you keep looping back to your certainty that the date was spectacular—you felt good about yourself and the experience.

For these few hours it felt like everything was just right. But, that doesn't mean he is emotionally equipped to go where you could go in the relationship.

He felt the connection, yes, but he couldn't sustain it. No matter how intense the connection, you have no control over how the other person is going to receive it and process it in the light of day. He may be scared, or not ready, or in some way feel undeserving, or avoidant for reasons he doesn't understand or may not even be aware of.

Or maybe he can't sustain attention on any one person past the time he was with you. He just doesn't have it in him. Trust in the authenticity and specialness of the connection you shared, but also start to wrap your head around the idea that your brief but meaningful impression of this person is still just one tiny facet of him.

Even if he told you his life story. You still know virtually nothing, because only with substantive time and sustained connection, can you "know" someone. That's a basic human consideration. But it contributes to understanding why he couldn't sustain it. He may have a hard time seeing past himself to believe you are that into him, because he has become so distracted. There may be circumstances in his life which make it difficult to follow through, allow challenging feelings, or connect beyond the surface, because inside he is too raw, too avoidant, too scared, too distrustful, too undeserving.

You can't make it better for him because he will not give you the chance. You've been spared the incredible angst and perpetual dissapointment and rejection that would have gone with it.

But, important self-discoveries can be made as well. For starters, we learned that you have an open capacity to invite and experience connection. In this cold world, that is an important trait to have. Trust your feelings and know that the outcome wasn't your fault. He doesn't want you to fight for him, because he is not making room for you to be there for him. As painful as it is, it really is over before it began.

Validating your own experience, understanding it's not a matter of fault, and recognizing that he likely had limitations that prevented him from going furtherwill help you begin to let go of the awful trap of self blame, and begin to move out of that space of feeling rejected into working on re-opening yourself to new possibilities.

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The surprising truth about rejection



Post divorce dating rejection

It's the beginning of something great. There was absolute connection and immediate intimacy. You know that both of you felt something powerful—something worth exploring. For brevity, I will use the pronoun "he. So what happens when that first date is the only date? When he hasn't returned your texts? You wait for a day: The increasing tension as the day drags on and still no contact is so uncomfortable, confusing, and deflating.

You are left with a cross between hopefullness and disappointment, because the day isn't over yet. But now a day has dragged into a week, and you start to realize that what you thought would be the start of something great is over before it had a chance to be as amazing as you know it could have been.

It sounds like a relatively small loss—after all, you only just met this person, how hard can losing him really be? But in addition to losing the possibility of something good, something hopeful, being left hanging after a great date can also make you feel like it was your fault.

What did you do to drive this amazing person away? If it had been really great, he would have called you back, or at least texted. But then again, he might have lost his phone, right? Either way, the first step is to trust in your understanding of the experience. There really was an amazing mutual connection. If you felt it, and he affirmed it in his own way, it was there. If you felt his intensity meeting yours, it was. And yet he has blown you off. How many times, when you're trying to make sense of what happened do you want to blurt out to your well meaning friends: The second step is to work toward understanding that the outcome is not your fault.

As much as you replay the time you spent together and obsessively analyze it to make sense of what happened, and what you missed, and what you might have done wrong, you keep looping back to your certainty that the date was spectacular—you felt good about yourself and the experience. For these few hours it felt like everything was just right.

But, that doesn't mean he is emotionally equipped to go where you could go in the relationship. He felt the connection, yes, but he couldn't sustain it. No matter how intense the connection, you have no control over how the other person is going to receive it and process it in the light of day. He may be scared, or not ready, or in some way feel undeserving, or avoidant for reasons he doesn't understand or may not even be aware of.

Or maybe he can't sustain attention on any one person past the time he was with you. He just doesn't have it in him. Trust in the authenticity and specialness of the connection you shared, but also start to wrap your head around the idea that your brief but meaningful impression of this person is still just one tiny facet of him. Even if he told you his life story. You still know virtually nothing, because only with substantive time and sustained connection, can you "know" someone.

That's a basic human consideration. But it contributes to understanding why he couldn't sustain it. He may have a hard time seeing past himself to believe you are that into him, because he has become so distracted. There may be circumstances in his life which make it difficult to follow through, allow challenging feelings, or connect beyond the surface, because inside he is too raw, too avoidant, too scared, too distrustful, too undeserving.

You can't make it better for him because he will not give you the chance. You've been spared the incredible angst and perpetual dissapointment and rejection that would have gone with it. But, important self-discoveries can be made as well. For starters, we learned that you have an open capacity to invite and experience connection.

In this cold world, that is an important trait to have. Trust your feelings and know that the outcome wasn't your fault. He doesn't want you to fight for him, because he is not making room for you to be there for him. As painful as it is, it really is over before it began. Validating your own experience, understanding it's not a matter of fault, and recognizing that he likely had limitations that prevented him from going furtherwill help you begin to let go of the awful trap of self blame, and begin to move out of that space of feeling rejected into working on re-opening yourself to new possibilities.

Post divorce dating rejection

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3 Comments

  1. Take your mind off this. At some point you get back to the person you used to be — with your aspirations and dreams, hobbies, spending time with friends, taking care of your well-being, and improving yourself — which also means being in public more, communicating with people, and meeting new people.

  2. That universal, terrible feeling that we try to shield ourselves from, try our best to avoid, but from which nobody is immune. This message has the hideous smell of desperation. So pull up a seat and read this… First, let me lay this out for you:

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