Getty Relationships are our biggest muse and inspiration. Relationships have those extremes. You can absolutely madly love the same person you want to kill. A wise man shared with me yesterday one word responsible for his 24 years of marriage. You know what that word was…forgiveness. Forgiveness is me giving up the right to hurt you for hurting me. So if we go in quite hastily or not being ourselves or balanced, we will have to deal with that at some point in the relationship as it sets the tone for the whole relationship.
Women are fixers so we have to just not fix. It was like a death in the family: You go through the mourning stage, then the rebellion, and then all of a sudden you have to find life by yourself.
The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: You have to every single day, mind, body, and spirit, wake up with a commitment to be better. All relationships are work. I like to put it that way: Love of somebody else—of family, of your kids—becomes the most important, most worthwhile thing in your life.
Then I can get so angry that I tear his shirt. If you love the person, just figure out how to make them happy. Write a little note. Put it under the toilet seat. You always gain by giving love. You want to share your life with someone. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended.
You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers.
You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. It is a person. And we are finally home. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.
And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. But love is like a precious plant. You gotta keep watering it. That would be really sad. They should lift each other up. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.
I love you simply, without problems or pride: There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.
If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.
And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater …The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. Love can make up for a lot. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.
But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. But there is also always some reason in madness. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: