Don't Play Schilling, a psychologist for more than 15 years and a self-described "reformed single girl" who "came out the other end" after a decade of looking for love and finding it on eHarmony, explained that a lazy Australian dating culture stems way back — almost 70 years — when Australians did not borrow from American culture for a change.
Australians usually follow suit, but we did not do that and we still have not done that," she told Fairfax Media. Advertisement In her opinion, Schilling puts it down to a lack of self-confidence and chivalry. You will see groups of guys and girls, and never the two shall meet," she said.
I'm speaking in general, but in most cases Australians are not encouraged to take on gentlemanly traits. They are ridiculed for acting as gentleman. We don't encourage men to behave in that gentlemanly fashion. Women are known to sit back and let the men do all of the hard grafting, with a recent study showing that 90 per cent of communication between eHarmony members is initiated by men.
It also showed that men 49 per cent are more likely than women 19 per cent to make first contact, initiate the first kiss 39 percent of men compared to 12 per cent of women and plan a second date 46 per cent of men versus 11 per cent of women. In Mel Schilling's opinion, a lack of dates is down to a lack of self-confidence and chivalry. What can you do to get on more dates? They are saying there is a 'man drought' and a 'woman drought' — but it's not about the numbers — it's how we date.
We need to learn those skills," Schilling explained. Schilling's Healthy Dating Pyramid illustrates how people can go on more dates. Mel Schilling She encourages men and women to get out there and be more active with their dating lives and came up with The Healthy Dating Pyramid to better illustrate her tips and tricks: Self-respect, self-esteem and being really comfortable with who you are," Schilling explained. Your internal dialogue should be a positive one," she added. They should ask themselves: It's about your approach to dating," she said.
Become "strategy rich" and put yourself in the pathway of potential interests. If one of your values is health then sign up to a swimming or running club where you will find potentials with similar interests. Don't stress when it comes to a first date.
Easier said than done? But try and think of it like you are going to meet a friend. Stress hormones are a turn-off. Leaving a day or two to reply to messages or turning down dates because they didn't give you enough notice will get you nowhere. Schilling described this approach as "superficial", that is, don't go there.
They have a son, Xavier, 13 months. Sara-Jane Keats The good news is that times are a-changin' and you can thank the likes of Tinder for taking the stigma out of dating and encouraging singletons to get out there and take the bull by the horns, so to speak.
But the dating expert warned that although it has its positives, the app really is for those looking for casual sex. The problem is when I see people using mobile apps for long-term relationships — that's a problem," she added. Now we are on the subject of S-E-X, what is the protocol to waiting? Is sex OK — even before the first date? Schilling explained you need to think about what you want out of the dating experience: Do what you feel is right.
Even at our age, I don't see that social connectedness," he said. Opening up about his own experiences, he said he would not usually be willing to just walk up to someone who caught his eye on a night out because she's surrounded by intimidating friends. It's not about trying to talk to the person you like, it's also about the people they are with.
After four months, she had been on only one date when she was introduced to her now-husband through friends. Travelling the whole way across the globe, Joshua Keats turned out to be a fellow Brit, who had moved with his family Down Under about eight years before.
He was open and played no mind games — I'm too old for mind games," she said, laughing. Now based in WA, the pair were married in December and their son, Xavier, is almost 13 months old. The Australian dating experience has been an entirely positive one for Irish nurse Emma Smyth, 25, who came Down Under to travel in November and fell head-over-heels in love with a Blue Mountains local just a month later. In comparison to Ireland, she said she "found it so much easier to date over here".
What's your Australian dating experience?