November 2, - TF2 Team Monoculus is tough for a floating eyeball with no big arms to slap you around with. But apparently he's no match for the TF2 community's passion and ability to kill floating eyeballs.
To up the ante, and to challenge those of you who can best Monoculus with one eye tied behind your back, now every time he is defeated, he becomes tougher when he respawns. Don't worry about the police showing up. Well, worry inasmuch as they probably will show up. But once you explain the rules of etiquette to them, they'll likely understand. The Gift That Keeps on Abusing November 2, - The Administrator I was enjoying my only hour off of the year, in the park feeding pigeons, when Miss Pauling called and notified me there was an issue in need of prompt resolution: Apparently some game servers are abusing the system and making the gift system unfair.
Nothing stokes my ire like a cheater. Deception, duplicity, murder -- these are merely tools in a toolbox one can use to ensure a job done well. I cannot even wrap my head around the point of it. Wouldn't you know you had cheated? How on Earth could you maintain crisp certainty of your superiority to all others? And if you're unable to do that, what's the point of anything? At any rate, I have already taken action against several servers and will continue to monitor the situation and revoke privileges -- with prompt relish, I assure you -- from abusive server operators.
I will also be monitoring the in-game Abuse Reporting Tool, which you can and should use at any time to report abusive players and servers by pressing F7. Don't think of it as snitching.
Think of it as making the world a better place. One where you can more fairly estimate how much better you are than your contemporaries. Well, I'm off to enjoy the last ten minutes of my annual hour-long vacation. When I left the pigeons I had already managed to split them into warring factions and planted seeds of doubt about the capabilities of their pigeon leaders, so I'm interested to see how things play out once I take away all of their bread.
Let us be frank with you: Last year's special was pretty darn terrifying, even by our impossibly high standard of scary. To cite just one example: Dracula was taken to the hospital after witnessing just the loading screen of last year's update. That's not Terry Dracula your greengrocer, either. And if it scared Dracula, who eats ghosts and craps Frankensteins, we shudder to imagine what it must have done to you. Someone else swore he remembered reading something about somebody getting hurt by a gun once.
And that sounded scary. So probably no more guns, either. Then Dracula called from the hospital. Long story short, we guarantee you that nothing's going to scare you this year. No, dear reader, we wouldn't do any of these things.
Mummies can't make updates, we live in pyramids! What are you, insane? For the answer to that question, keep reading: YOU actually wrote this blog post! The random gift drops and loot are only enabled on game servers with registered accounts. The easiest way to make sure you are playing on a registered server is to use the "Start Playing" button in the main menu of the game. Then there are the questions nobody has thought to ask. Questions like, "Every time you explain something supernatural in TF2 you say the Soldier angered a magician.
Who is the magician? Answers like, "His name is Merasmus the Magician, and he's in a Halloween comic! This morning, we were reviewing this year's Third Annual Scream Fortress Halloween Update, and we realized that it is probably too scary. Scratch that - it's definitely too scary. This much concentrated terror would be like throwing you into the deep end of a pool With no lifeguard on duty!
Sayyyy, he looks familiar. No wait, it's even worse! It's legendary Hollywood triple threat, Ethan Hawke! Everyone knows he can't swim!
What monster would hire Ethan Hawke to be a lifeguard? Does this cursed rec center not have ANY lifeguard hiring oversight committee? The point is, if we don't let all of TF's new players dip their trembling pinky toes into the shallow end of the blood pool before we unleash next week's scare-credible Third Annual Scream Fortress Halloween Update, they would drown in their body's own terror juices.
So, for the next few days, revisit stately Mann Manor. What's that you hear? Is it the clip clop of haunted hoofs? It's the terrifying, completely foot-generated clomping of the Horseless Headless Horseman! He's come to steal your soul! And, if you have one, your horse! Brace yourselves to see the new update next week. Of course, we won't be seeing anything