There is an abiding cultural script that says that men fantasize about virgins — specifically, being the man who "pops the cherry" of a beautiful, innocent young woman. It's everywhere from high-brow literature to men's magazines to blockbuster films to porn, and it has at its core the idea that virginity is a precious symbol of a woman's purity.
Virginity for men is a whole different story, of course: Hence, we have a gendered and heteronormative conception of virginity: It's embarrassing for men to be virgins and they should try to have sex as soon as possible, but virginity is a prize for women and the longer a girl keeps her chaste state the more admirable she is.
This sets up a kind of zero sum game where men try to "take" a woman's virginity and women try to withhold it from all but the most desirable of men and only once they've committed to her for life.
This is where the male fantasy element supposedly comes into play: How true is it really that men lust after virgins in this way, though? And what are some of the problems of a virgin fetish? Let's explore this lingering myth: The idea that men prefer virgins is increasingly starting to look like a dated stereotype, and most young men who spoke to AskMen felt that a virgin fantasy was creepy and old-fashioned.
It's seedy and makes me think of gross old men who can't be around women their own age. It would be really unusual to come across a virgin my age, and I don't tend to date women that are a lot younger than me.
If you're a lesbian who has never had sex with a man but has slept with dozens of women, are you are virgin? The whole idea is unstable and artificial, and I really don't see why guys get hung up about it. Vince hit upon one of the reasons that seeking out virgins is increasingly viewed as creepy and wrong: There are lots of reasons that women may end up being in their 20s or beyond and still not have had sex, but, in general, virginity does tend to correlate with younger age.
Men who sleep with virgins who are much younger than them in their teens, say, while they are well into their 20s or older are taking advantage of a disturbing power dynamic which could affect girls at a vulnerable stage of their lives. Young women might like the idea of being with an older man but aren't yet mature enough to fully understand the ramifications, and men who take advantage of this state of confusion and immaturity are acting in a predatory manner.
As more and more men are accused of sexual harassment and assault against women over whom they wield significant power, society is starting to better understand how wrong — and prevalent — that behavior is. Men who seek out young, "innocent" women fall along that spectrum of creepy, predatory behavior. Men who seek out virgins often have another problematic motivating factor: They're intimidated or grossed out by experienced women. The idea that women are degraded by having a high number of sexual partners — or a high "body count" — is a form of slut-shaming and tends to be held by people with dangerously retrograde ideas about women.
Thankfully they're becoming much less common in , when men are decreasingly likely to be hung up on the number of sexual partners a woman has had. Finally, some men prefer virgins because of their own insecurity: While sexual insecurity is normal, it's healthier to simply seek out partners who make their lovers feel comfortable and who never compare them to others rather than only sleeping with virgins — whom, it should be noted, are equally capable of being judgmental in bed than women who have had sex before.
The key is to sleep with decent, ethical, caring people, and this can't be determined by "body count. But we're not going to mince our words: