What to know about dating a recovering alcoholic. Married to a Functioning Alcoholic? Getting Help.



What to know about dating a recovering alcoholic

What to know about dating a recovering alcoholic

For me it was AA, and the 12 step program that saved me. I say this because I am a blackout drinker of the worse kind.

I blacked out from the first time I drank, at And towards the end, I would black out after two drinks, and sometimes they would last a week. Like I said, sometimes a week or two. The ER was my second home. I would give someone my keys prior to drinking, or I would tell the bartender to call me a cab and give him my keys if I stopped off somewhere unplanned and decided I wanted a drink. Having said all that, my opinion on this subject is that no matter how serious my blackouts are, ONCE I make the decision to pick up a drink and put myself accessible to my car or car keys, there is absolutely no excuse.

To me it is no different than someone who has epileptic seizures, on medication and decides not to take the medication and then gets behind the wheel of a car and has a seizure and someone gets hurt or killed.

That person knew he had an illness, has to be treated for it, refused to take the treatment, and made himself accessible to a 2 ton weapon putting him at risk of having symptoms of his illness while driving.

If you know you have an alcohol problem, but make the choice to drink when you are prone to blackouts, and then put yourself in a situation where you have access to a vehicle, then you are responsible and should be held accountable for whatever happens when you are having symptoms of your illness. Before you started drinking you had to be sober at one point when you chose to take that first drink.

It may not be curable, but it is treatable, and treatment for me, is abstinence. I knew exactly what I was doing the minute that drink went to my mouth. If that drink meant so much and yet I still failed to take precautions, then hell yes, I am totally responsible, in my opinion.

Neill Neill Monday at My mother died in a car crash many years ago, because someone did not take responsibility for their decision to drive. I would black out each night since I was 19 and that lasted a couple years. Pills and Alchohol and Herb has been a combo I have used for ten years. I am responsible with great job, but every so often when I have unlimited access to alchohol, well intentioned or not, I completely blackout hours of the night, meaning I was a raging beast of negativity.

I realize that stopping completely may be the only proven avenue of sobrity, especially for someone looking in, when someone blacks out and terrorizes his family and puts himself at risk of death each and everytime. Is it risky or stupid or lazy to keep drinking, is it a care, is it deep rooted. I have no idea. But have since shortly after starting to drink and abuse everything else under the sun. A daughter a Son, everything that I have asked for, a beautiful wife who is loving and kind, but still I choose to keep on drinking just one.

Am I just no getting the picture? Leslie Monday at However,I also believe that many people do commit terrible crimes and social injustices without having come to the realization that they have a problem.

My actions had only embarassed myself, never hurt anyone else. However, my normal personality was not in charge. Then one evening after excessive binge drinking and during several blackouts, I did something horrible; something that I would never have morally been able to do in a sober state or even a very drunken state.

When I was told of my actions, I fell into a horrible depression because I could not change what I had done; everything that happened was so out-of-sync with my deepest values. I had lost a friend forever because of my actions. At that moment, I realized that if I could say and do what I had done during that blackout, anything else was possible. Maybe I could have lost my temper and hurt someone fatally. I could have killed someone with my car. The fact that I had compromised my personal integrity and acted against everything I valued in life made me realize that I could never allow alcohol to take over again.

I know that there was no decision making on my part involved in what I did that night. I could barely live with the realization of what had happened the next day. It really is like you in your body walking around conscious but not under any control of your conscious mind. Some of us are fortunate enough to have a wake-up call that makes you want to ensure you are never under the control of alcohol again; that only you are in control of your actions.

Others find that they have killed someone. I know it is difficult to have empathy for the person who commits the crime but I do think that alcoholism is a disease that, like many others, by the time it is diagnosed, some terrible damage may have already occurred.

Neill Neill Sunday at Although my symptoms were very different from yours, the bad effects were there. It would be really lame for either of us to drink. So to save my life I stopped drinking completely and made all the life adjustments that followed. My experience is that there is not only life after alcohol, but a much bigger life. Neill Neill Sunday at 1: Most of us former alcoholics could tell stories parallel to yours.

I could have killed someone with my car…I could have… The fact is, when I was 16, my mother was killed by a driver I was told had been drinking, so I should have know better. Although alcohol does indeed cause disease, alcoholism itself is not a disease, but a choice.

I know well it causes disease: If you remember that alcoholism is a choice, you will be less likely to use the disease excuse for continuing to use or for any lapses. John Saturday at As you said yourself no-one knows what you are feeling during a blackout or whether it is actually you. Then I had my first blackout which is possibly the worst thing that ever happened to me.

I am absolutely convinced that what takes over isnt simply your drunk self without short term memory but a kind of unconscious self, a loss of higher order consciousness leaving only the bare instincts and impulses in control of you. I think should you commit a crime you should be held accountable but only if you drink to get to the blackout state or are aware that you are prone to blackouts or have blacked out before. I had previously never heard of blackouts and never experienced them before and i felt as innocent of what i had done as if someone else had done them, from then on i have not touched a single drop of alcohol and encourage others to do the same who knows what you could do during a blackout, because it is definitely not you.

Renae Thursday at 9: I recently was drinking with family and friends. I was getting a light buzz around 11pm and decided to switch to cranberry water and go to bed early. The next thing I remember was waking up the next morning still drunk.

A friend told me I was up until 5am drinking and doing shots. Usually only one or two at a time. I have been drunk before and have never experienced anything like that. Is it possible that someone put something in my drink or is this normal? Neill Neill Friday at 7: Then you raised the question yourself. It may well have happened. In the future, serve your own drinks at a party.

People have been killed that way. John-Barry Murphy Tuesday at 6: To give you an example, about ten years ago, I remember walking along a street in Dublin with another chap. We had been drinking all day, and we were on our way to an off-license to buy cheap, strong booze, and then the next thing I remember is waking up in a cell in a police station. When I was let go from the station, I was told that I was arrested for my own safety and to this day I do not remember what actually happened during my blackout!

Pray to St Jude and ask God for help. I did and now I am sober. Clint Wirth Saturday at Alcoholic Blackouts are also very disconcerting as how can one defend oneself against something about which they have no memory. Alcoholic Blackouts, it can be argued, are a function of alcoholicism as a disease. If one subscribes to the disease model, it can be used, in some cases, as an excuse to explain away behavior.

However, alcoholism as choice vs disease is an argument whose outcome is far from decided Dr. Neill Neill Clint, Actually, the evidence is very heavily weighted against alcoholism being a disease. However, I agree "disease" is a very convenient excuse for bad behavior when drinking. That would solve your problem! Anthony Tuesday at 7: Her sister answers to a diffrent name when intoxicated.

Alcoholism is prevelant in the family. My wife consumes less then 5 beverages per month on average. Has had a period of beng drinking; however, I see no corrilation to that and blackouts. Duane Monday at 9: I dont drink all the time but when i do i dont know when to quit.

I have blacked out and been abusive to my wife and woke up and dont even remember it. Im seeking help through aa and if you have any suggestions ill try that too. I used to have a drug problem and i quit and started drinking. I have had enough of this.

I really love my wife and i dont know why i would do anything to hurt her.

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When An Alcoholic Gets Sober-What Changes Take Place



What to know about dating a recovering alcoholic

For me it was AA, and the 12 step program that saved me. I say this because I am a blackout drinker of the worse kind. I blacked out from the first time I drank, at And towards the end, I would black out after two drinks, and sometimes they would last a week.

Like I said, sometimes a week or two. The ER was my second home. I would give someone my keys prior to drinking, or I would tell the bartender to call me a cab and give him my keys if I stopped off somewhere unplanned and decided I wanted a drink.

Having said all that, my opinion on this subject is that no matter how serious my blackouts are, ONCE I make the decision to pick up a drink and put myself accessible to my car or car keys, there is absolutely no excuse. To me it is no different than someone who has epileptic seizures, on medication and decides not to take the medication and then gets behind the wheel of a car and has a seizure and someone gets hurt or killed.

That person knew he had an illness, has to be treated for it, refused to take the treatment, and made himself accessible to a 2 ton weapon putting him at risk of having symptoms of his illness while driving.

If you know you have an alcohol problem, but make the choice to drink when you are prone to blackouts, and then put yourself in a situation where you have access to a vehicle, then you are responsible and should be held accountable for whatever happens when you are having symptoms of your illness. Before you started drinking you had to be sober at one point when you chose to take that first drink.

It may not be curable, but it is treatable, and treatment for me, is abstinence. I knew exactly what I was doing the minute that drink went to my mouth.

If that drink meant so much and yet I still failed to take precautions, then hell yes, I am totally responsible, in my opinion. Neill Neill Monday at My mother died in a car crash many years ago, because someone did not take responsibility for their decision to drive.

I would black out each night since I was 19 and that lasted a couple years. Pills and Alchohol and Herb has been a combo I have used for ten years. I am responsible with great job, but every so often when I have unlimited access to alchohol, well intentioned or not, I completely blackout hours of the night, meaning I was a raging beast of negativity.

I realize that stopping completely may be the only proven avenue of sobrity, especially for someone looking in, when someone blacks out and terrorizes his family and puts himself at risk of death each and everytime.

Is it risky or stupid or lazy to keep drinking, is it a care, is it deep rooted. I have no idea. But have since shortly after starting to drink and abuse everything else under the sun. A daughter a Son, everything that I have asked for, a beautiful wife who is loving and kind, but still I choose to keep on drinking just one.

Am I just no getting the picture? Leslie Monday at However,I also believe that many people do commit terrible crimes and social injustices without having come to the realization that they have a problem. My actions had only embarassed myself, never hurt anyone else. However, my normal personality was not in charge. Then one evening after excessive binge drinking and during several blackouts, I did something horrible; something that I would never have morally been able to do in a sober state or even a very drunken state.

When I was told of my actions, I fell into a horrible depression because I could not change what I had done; everything that happened was so out-of-sync with my deepest values. I had lost a friend forever because of my actions. At that moment, I realized that if I could say and do what I had done during that blackout, anything else was possible. Maybe I could have lost my temper and hurt someone fatally. I could have killed someone with my car. The fact that I had compromised my personal integrity and acted against everything I valued in life made me realize that I could never allow alcohol to take over again.

I know that there was no decision making on my part involved in what I did that night. I could barely live with the realization of what had happened the next day. It really is like you in your body walking around conscious but not under any control of your conscious mind. Some of us are fortunate enough to have a wake-up call that makes you want to ensure you are never under the control of alcohol again; that only you are in control of your actions.

Others find that they have killed someone. I know it is difficult to have empathy for the person who commits the crime but I do think that alcoholism is a disease that, like many others, by the time it is diagnosed, some terrible damage may have already occurred. Neill Neill Sunday at Although my symptoms were very different from yours, the bad effects were there. It would be really lame for either of us to drink. So to save my life I stopped drinking completely and made all the life adjustments that followed.

My experience is that there is not only life after alcohol, but a much bigger life. Neill Neill Sunday at 1: Most of us former alcoholics could tell stories parallel to yours.

I could have killed someone with my car…I could have… The fact is, when I was 16, my mother was killed by a driver I was told had been drinking, so I should have know better.

Although alcohol does indeed cause disease, alcoholism itself is not a disease, but a choice. I know well it causes disease: If you remember that alcoholism is a choice, you will be less likely to use the disease excuse for continuing to use or for any lapses.

John Saturday at As you said yourself no-one knows what you are feeling during a blackout or whether it is actually you.

Then I had my first blackout which is possibly the worst thing that ever happened to me. I am absolutely convinced that what takes over isnt simply your drunk self without short term memory but a kind of unconscious self, a loss of higher order consciousness leaving only the bare instincts and impulses in control of you. I think should you commit a crime you should be held accountable but only if you drink to get to the blackout state or are aware that you are prone to blackouts or have blacked out before.

I had previously never heard of blackouts and never experienced them before and i felt as innocent of what i had done as if someone else had done them, from then on i have not touched a single drop of alcohol and encourage others to do the same who knows what you could do during a blackout, because it is definitely not you.

Renae Thursday at 9: I recently was drinking with family and friends. I was getting a light buzz around 11pm and decided to switch to cranberry water and go to bed early. The next thing I remember was waking up the next morning still drunk. A friend told me I was up until 5am drinking and doing shots. Usually only one or two at a time. I have been drunk before and have never experienced anything like that. Is it possible that someone put something in my drink or is this normal?

Neill Neill Friday at 7: Then you raised the question yourself. It may well have happened. In the future, serve your own drinks at a party. People have been killed that way. John-Barry Murphy Tuesday at 6: To give you an example, about ten years ago, I remember walking along a street in Dublin with another chap. We had been drinking all day, and we were on our way to an off-license to buy cheap, strong booze, and then the next thing I remember is waking up in a cell in a police station.

When I was let go from the station, I was told that I was arrested for my own safety and to this day I do not remember what actually happened during my blackout!

Pray to St Jude and ask God for help. I did and now I am sober. Clint Wirth Saturday at Alcoholic Blackouts are also very disconcerting as how can one defend oneself against something about which they have no memory.

Alcoholic Blackouts, it can be argued, are a function of alcoholicism as a disease. If one subscribes to the disease model, it can be used, in some cases, as an excuse to explain away behavior. However, alcoholism as choice vs disease is an argument whose outcome is far from decided Dr.

Neill Neill Clint, Actually, the evidence is very heavily weighted against alcoholism being a disease. However, I agree "disease" is a very convenient excuse for bad behavior when drinking.

That would solve your problem! Anthony Tuesday at 7: Her sister answers to a diffrent name when intoxicated. Alcoholism is prevelant in the family. My wife consumes less then 5 beverages per month on average. Has had a period of beng drinking; however, I see no corrilation to that and blackouts.

Duane Monday at 9: I dont drink all the time but when i do i dont know when to quit. I have blacked out and been abusive to my wife and woke up and dont even remember it.

Im seeking help through aa and if you have any suggestions ill try that too. I used to have a drug problem and i quit and started drinking. I have had enough of this. I really love my wife and i dont know why i would do anything to hurt her.

What to know about dating a recovering alcoholic

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3 Comments

  1. The other times I put him out he called all the time confessing his love willing to do anything just wanted to come home. It loosens us up. Because recovery is a lifelong process, recovering addicts are in a perpetual state of self-improvement.

  2. For example, they can become afraid of their parents, because of their unstable mood behaviors. I pay the bills. Jackie was drinking all day and passing out in the afternoon before drinking again through the night It wasn't until younger sister Carole died four years ago aged 32 that Jackie, then 46, decided to stop.

  3. It is very difficult to deal with an active alcoholic and coping can feel impossible at times. It really is like you in your body walking around conscious but not under any control of your conscious mind. Neill Neill Sunday at

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