I love her honesty, passion, no nonsense personality, her infectious laugh and our fun banter we have when we greet each other. From last week I have been reading posts from the hashtag LifeInLeggings from a lot of women who are family members and friends. I am so proud of these women who have opened up to speak about the sexual abuse and rape that have affected their life as they continue to heal.
Today Tanya Stephens posted her LifeInLeggings story via her Facebook Page which I felt I should share here on the blog with hopes that it will help other women who are healing also.
I held back from looking up the LifeInLeggings posts because I knew what reading them would reduce me to. One tiny glimpse and all the screams start echoing in my head. I was first raped at age 17 by someone many of you glorify. Why would HE rape me? How could I brave the judgement from admitting I was so wrong? His dad was a policeman so that house felt safe.
Who the fuck would I report it to? I broke down in tears and relayed what had happened he said he was taking me to the police.
I was horrified and said no. His response was arite I guess you did like it! For a few years I kept trying to win the approval of people who made me feel dirty. I had zero self esteem. Everytime someone laughed on the road I swore they were laughing at me. Women were the cruellest!
I figured what the fuck do I have to lose? He was VERY helpful. Taught me to cook a bit, helped me to feel a little stronger. MANY times I attempted to tell family members.
When I heard them call another girl whore I would write them off. When I heard righteous rants about morality I wrote them off. I saw them smile with a pedafile and discuss him behind his back but NEVER confront him so i wrote them all off.
When I saw males treat women like shit physically, emotionally, mentally… I wrote them off. I have to take a closer listen to your music now man! Sweden was my biggest healer. I know I still have far to go. The Bill Cosby conversations I watched unfolding on social media fucked me up. For everybody on your walls and timelines and news-feeds that you killed every-time you posted I hated you guys.
Now i just sympathise. Your ignorance and apathy can NOT be much more comfortable than our pain! Big up my husband, best therapist to date.